The complexity of relationships can be exhausting. This statement seems particularly true if you tick female on application forms.
I walk into a room and within a few moments I can instantly figure out who likes me, who is indifferent and who dislikes everything I stand for. It is a woman’s strength but also a heavy emotional burden to be able to pick up on very subtle social cues that are often transmitted from other people. A tone of voice, a look, a smirk, a nod. Women can sense invisible undercurrents long before the average man has even registered a person in the room.
The only trouble with this heightened ability to diagnose people’s vibes is that women have to make very snappy judgements back. We all do it. Some women’s judgements bite like barking dogs, others manage to contain and control the urges. Most intelligent women will try to override the primal instincts. We try to make intelligent and rational judgements but sadly for some within seconds we have judged a person by how she speaks, by how she dresses, by her children, by her career choice, by the car she drives, by her home, by her choice of husband, by her friends. It is impossible to please the ‘judge’ and we shouldn’t try to. The inner judge is often unfair and should be restrained and kept in line.
Have you been judged in life? You betcha! If you exist in this world, you have been judged. I have been judged rightly and wrongly and will continue to be judged accurately and inaccurately until the day I die.
I often wish people would stop judging. I wish people could get to know each other, really get to know each other and then make a rational and informed judgement. Why do people reflect their own experiences and their own perceptions onto who they think I am as a person? Why not give me a chance and dig a little deeper?
There are some people who seem to be olympic champions at judging others. The judging of others can act as a defence for their own short comings and flaws. I do believe that people who hurt me, people who are unnecessary harsh and quick to judge are pretty unhappy people deep down. Often the people who are quick to judge don’t know WHO they are as people. They have little time for self-reflection of who they truly are as people and yet they can’t help but pick holes and label a person. They are happy to assume a person is of a particular character without any real concrete evidence.
Judging can in some respects be in your favour. Sometimes judging can save you a lot of pain. If you meet a person and within a few moments your inner judge is screaming at you to step away, then maybe you should listen. Sometimes being compassionate and too relaxed can leave you wide open. Not everyone deserves a chance or a part in your life. Sometimes it pays to hone in on those magical lady vibes!
No one in this world is perfect. Everyone has flaws. It’s all about balance. Don’t assume you know people just because you have shared a coffee with them a few times. It takes time to really know a person. There are many layers to every person. Some people’s layers are tightly wrapped and quite impossible to unravel. It may or may not be worth the wait. That is your choice, your own judgement. They may be equally interested in getting to know you too or they be content with a more superficial surface relationship. It takes time to assess who is actually reading from the same page as you and who has a completely different book from you.
Less assumptions, less judgements. More listening. I believe we should give a person a chance to reveal who they are. And once you truly know who they are – then a rational and fair judgement can be made. Hopefully they will do the same for you.