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>What’s the secret of a Successful Relationship

>I am not a relationship expert by any means but after being with my boyfriend and now husband for 10 years I have considered from time to time what makes a relationship work. Maybe one day I will have all the answers but for now I will ponder.

I have often wondered who or what is responsible for successful partnerships. There are a few theories out there. Here’s a quick run down,

  1. You are solely responsible for your own happiness in relationships. Some people will always be unhappy and unsatisfied in relationships due to their own personality always getting in the way. They are perhaps too sensitive, too unstable, too negative. Some people will always be relatively happy because they are relaxed, easy to be around and emotionally secure.
  2. Your partner is solely responsible. There is a lot of emphasis on ensuring you choose the ‘right’ sort of person. It rejects personal responsibility and insists it is more about what the other person brings to the table. Anyone who has life experience will know no person is neutral. We each bring a variety of personal attributes to the table.
  3. Other people believe the secret to a happy partnership is about how similar you both are in temperament. Dating services put great emphasis on matching your compatibility. But is this correct? Who is actually right? What’s the secret to long term happiness together?

After much thought I would suggest the best indicator to personal happiness in relationships is your own unique personality. People who are mostly agreeable, conscientious and emotionally stable tend to, in general, have significantly happier relationships. People who try to ‘get along’ with others do tend to have much healthier and lasting relationships.

So if you are a difficult soul with little moral fibre, if you are prone to fiery out bursts, if you are consumed by crippling insecurity or unwilling to compromise then you may very well find relationships more challenging to sustain!

Keep in mind the above qualities when you are considering who to pair off with. Looking out for someone who is agreeable, conscientious and emotionally stable may not sound very thrilling but it could lead to a very happy marriage and save you a lot of heart ache.

Having similar values and goals is fantastic and probably pretty important for long term success. Having very similar personalities is not so vital. A variety of personality traits can make life interesting together. In any relationship I would suggest opting for someone who is pleasant company, responsible and not too hot headed, oh and try to embrace these traits yourself! I reckon it also helps to really fancy each other rotten but on the same token it is always a great idea to say ‘I do’ to someone who makes you smile and chuckle daily like a fun loving friend. Life can be tough, why wouldn’t you want to be with someone who makes you laugh?

The secret? It is about personal responsibility. Yes find the ‘right’ person, yes look for someone who has similar values and life goals, but most of all look at yourself and know what you want, know what you bring to the table and know who you are as an individual.

What do you think girls? What is important in your mind to personal happiness in relationships?


About Alana Munro

Writer. Mama to three, wife to one. Red wine consumer.


3 thoughts on “>What’s the secret of a Successful Relationship

  1. >I really relate to this post. My hubby and I have discussed this at length, and we think that what has made us succeed through more than 10 years of marriage and nearly 17 years together (almost half my life!), are two things:CommunicationHARD WORK!We communicate very well, but funnily enough when I began studying about 4 weeks ago, we started arguing a lot more on the phone. You really need that face to face communication to be able to pick up the body language and tone that is so much a part of conversation, but that you just cannot get on the phone.And hard work is just that, hard work, you cannot expect a relationship to just happen, you need to work to keep it going, work at your communication, at your romance, at your friendship, at your sex life, it doesn't just magically happen all by itself.It's worth all the hard work though ;)x

    Posted by Danielle | December 13, 2010, 11:10 am
  2. >Fantastic post honey and sooo true.It is hard work but at the end of the day when you think of your fella and your heart skips a little bit and you can't wait to see him you know it is all worth it.I think the modern conception is that you just fall in love and live happily ever after – people's expectations that there will be no bumps in the road is probably why the divorce rate is so high.Every so often we just stray from the path and think hang on we are just no being very nice to each other at the moment. Then its time for a good chat and remembering all the reasons we love each.Love love loved it Missy!!! (Gorgeous comment too Danielle of course it is hard work but you are right totally worth it too!!)Debs

    Posted by Debbie | December 13, 2010, 10:31 pm
  3. >Thanks girls, awesome to read your feelings on what makes relationships work…It certainly does take a lot of hard work from both sides,it takes good communication – keep talking!, and it takes realistic expectations too. The fairy tales that little girls are fed probably don't help?! Any relationship should be a partnership, with both sides trying their best to make things work. Of course there will be highs and lows and times when you both feel exhausted but very worth putting in the time and energy…Trust is another major one. If there is little trust then the foundations will never be stable. It is vital to trust each other 100 per cent 🙂 Thanks again chicks x

    Posted by Alana | December 13, 2010, 10:44 pm

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