>I am not a relationship expert by any means but after being with my boyfriend and now husband for 10 years I have considered from time to time what makes a relationship work. Maybe one day I will have all the answers but for now I will ponder.
I have often wondered who or what is responsible for successful partnerships. There are a few theories out there. Here’s a quick run down,
- You are solely responsible for your own happiness in relationships. Some people will always be unhappy and unsatisfied in relationships due to their own personality always getting in the way. They are perhaps too sensitive, too unstable, too negative. Some people will always be relatively happy because they are relaxed, easy to be around and emotionally secure.
- Your partner is solely responsible. There is a lot of emphasis on ensuring you choose the ‘right’ sort of person. It rejects personal responsibility and insists it is more about what the other person brings to the table. Anyone who has life experience will know no person is neutral. We each bring a variety of personal attributes to the table.
- Other people believe the secret to a happy partnership is about how similar you both are in temperament. Dating services put great emphasis on matching your compatibility. But is this correct? Who is actually right? What’s the secret to long term happiness together?
After much thought I would suggest the best indicator to personal happiness in relationships is your own unique personality. People who are mostly agreeable, conscientious and emotionally stable tend to, in general, have significantly happier relationships. People who try to ‘get along’ with others do tend to have much healthier and lasting relationships.
So if you are a difficult soul with little moral fibre, if you are prone to fiery out bursts, if you are consumed by crippling insecurity or unwilling to compromise then you may very well find relationships more challenging to sustain!
Keep in mind the above qualities when you are considering who to pair off with. Looking out for someone who is agreeable, conscientious and emotionally stable may not sound very thrilling but it could lead to a very happy marriage and save you a lot of heart ache.
Having similar values and goals is fantastic and probably pretty important for long term success. Having very similar personalities is not so vital. A variety of personality traits can make life interesting together. In any relationship I would suggest opting for someone who is pleasant company, responsible and not too hot headed, oh and try to embrace these traits yourself! I reckon it also helps to really fancy each other rotten but on the same token it is always a great idea to say ‘I do’ to someone who makes you smile and chuckle daily like a fun loving friend. Life can be tough, why wouldn’t you want to be with someone who makes you laugh?
The secret? It is about personal responsibility. Yes find the ‘right’ person, yes look for someone who has similar values and life goals, but most of all look at yourself and know what you want, know what you bring to the table and know who you are as an individual.
What do you think girls? What is important in your mind to personal happiness in relationships?